Wednesday, August 21, 2013

A world full of pain.

I need a reason to wake up in the morning.
I need a reason to fall asleep at night.
I need a reason to keep on going.
I need a reason to keep on breathing.
Because everything I do, goes in vain.
And I don't know how not notice this world full of pain.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Do what you think is right.

A part of my Online Life

The act of kindness shouldn't be limited to giving money and stuff. You need to give away love as well because the world is full of hate and cruelity. You don't know, who is having a bad day. You don't know who is thinking of ending their life. Even at this very moment while you're reading this, you're surrounded by people who are sad and may be they're standing at the edge. I've come across such people. I know people who hate themselves and who think of dying all the time. These people are out of love. Since I spent most of my teenage years(I'm still 19) at home, online. I befriended a lot of people from different countries. 
I have this friend. Her name is Diana. She turned 18 recently. She is suicidal. Often people stepback and tiptoe when they hear the word "suicidal" or "depression" but I don't and there's a good reason.. because sadly, I can relate to how she feels 24x7.

I met Diana on tumblr. I came across her blog and I followed her. She was upset and I would ask her to stay strong and when I got upset she would tell me the same. We decided to get on skype and we started to skype.
If you look at her, you won't believe that she is suicidal. But that's how people are. They are good at hidding. I wanted to help her and I knew that somewhere deep down, she wanted to help herself as well so I kept pushing her to get help since we lived in different countries and I couldn't do much to save her. 
One night, we were on skype and she was holding a paper which had suicide and selfharm 24x7 helplines. She was shaking and she was scared and I made her to do it. I asked her to do it for herself, her best friends, her family and me.. She did it. I was there all the time when she was talking on the phone. She didn't say all the things but she felt better. A couple of weeks later, she spoke to her mum and her mum took her to the pysch. She was diagonised with depression. 
I was proud of her because she helped herself and may be the reason why I could help her was because I've experienced the pain you're left with when your best friend commits suicide.. My best friend was a saviour. 
Oh well, do you know what Diana told me after meeting her psych and getting on medication and therapy and stuff? She said, "Babe, I wouldn't be alive if it weren't you. You made me do it. You helped me. You've saved my life." What else could be better than knowing that you saved a life? People need help. Look around and spread the love, save a life. It'll bring you the greatest joy. A small act of love and kindness can do magical things.

As you grow old, your heart starts to shrink. The love and warmth in you starts to die. And may be when people see the innocence in you, they ask you not to let that innocence die. Grown ups are selfish and silly and may be that's the reason I never wanted to grow up. They forget to care, they forget to be kind, they forget to stop and ask "how you are?".. They forget to ask your needs, They forget to respect others. They forget their integrity in the blinding light of power and fame. They forget that the things that bring a smile on their face, might as well bring tears in someone else's eyes.  I really hope the child in me stays alive for a long time and I keep doing such right things.

I am sharing my Do Right Stories at in association with Tata Capital.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Looking for the right words to define how it feels,
There are no retakes and no change of scripts when life reels.
With a cluster of wild and frightening thoughts in black and white,
It's hard to fall asleep at night.
But finally when the eyes start to close, 
Struggling through all the highs and lows,
Getting tired of staring into nothing,
It's hard to wake up again in the morning.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

"I'm torn.."

I'm torn, 
between the thoughts, 
of letting go 
and holding on for a little longer.
I'm torn, 
between the thoughts 
of going with the flow  
and starting it all over again.
I'm torn,
between the thoughts
of dying
and staying alive.
I'm torn, 
between the dreams 
where I find death scary
and the reality where I don't wanna live.
I'm torn,
between the person
people think I am
and the person I really am.