Saturday, December 24, 2011

"..Last breath.."

I'm broken,
I'm shattered,
Plethora of emotions,
And, nostalgia,
Haunt me at nights.
Locked in my room in low lights,
I twist, I turn,
I don't know who I am.

I'm a truth,
I'm a lie,
I can never be something that you can hide.
I'm a mess but a little less,
I'm a freak, I'm sane.
I'm happy but in vain.
Slowly, I'm turning into a wreck.

My phobias are enchanting Euthanasia,
Another killing dilemma,
Give it all or give it up?
If I left, folks would start to gossip about.
Mystery of death,
And my last breath.

P.S. Eh, updating after 1 month.. :) Haha, I am still alive. My semester exams are on.  I screwed up EM but Chemistry went awesome. I am a bit relieved today. Heh, sorry for such a sad post. :P But, Merry Christmas People. :)

Saturday, November 12, 2011

"falling for you.."

I'm falling for you,
'Know, this feeling is something new.
My eyes are all teary,
Oh, I'm sorry.

You never said you love me,
There's nothing that you can't see.
The reason why I breathe,
The reason why I still believe?

My heart keeps breaking,
to see the past fading.
I know, you won't be here,
We don't live closer either.

I'm falling for you, 
From head over heels,
 I'm being yours,
With every passing second,
I falling more and more,
in love with you.

But now, not anymore,
I am running after no one and being so sore.
And, everything you did was so special,
It was so warm like a winter cuddle.

I'm falling for you more,
than before,
Wish I had said "yes"
And, let angels to bless.
When you wanted me to be truly yours.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Happy 18th Birthday to me (:

Haha, so, it's my 18th birthday..and it's going amazing so far :) I had a really good time at college. I haven't even thought that it would be so great :) I love my best friend. Hehe. He has given me the best birthday present o: And, this guy from my class, he bought me a present :P

I love my friends, family and everyone who has made it so special ^_^

Friday, November 4, 2011

Truth, secret and love (Answers of all your questions) part-2

Love's in the comments that you have written, it was love when my readers wanted me to join facebook, It's love when my one of the best-est blogger buddy, Raed keeps making me smile. I've found love in every word of the comments posted by you. Love's in my joy and my sorrow. Love's in my tears and in my fears.
Love's in going for a long drive at 6:00 AM with all my friends. Love's in the time I've spent with Tunesh, Prince, Saket, Pratish, Neeraj, Kishan, Srishti, Anubha, Divya, Ayush and all my class mates. Love's in spending 100s of bucks for samosa :P Love's in those crazy stupid fights. Love's in the memories of my school life. Love's in being scared of going to college. Love's in making new friends again at college. Love's in bunking classes ;) Love's in Kashyap sir's amazing Math class. Love is in being jealous of the butterflies of our class :P 

Love's meeting Marko for the first time over internet in a dating site at 2 am. Love's talking to him for the whole night. Love's remembering almost every part of that conversation. Love's him gaining importance in my life. Love's telling him that I could never be in love even after knowing that I feel something different for him. Love's being jealous of his best friend. Love's him trusting me. Love's me trusting him. Love's when he fell in love with someone else. Love's me letting him fall in love with that someone. Love's when I told his best friend that I probably had a crush on him.
Love's me pretending to be ok. Love's him knowing that I like him. Love's he coming to me when he broke up. Love's the time when he made me to get MSN and facebook. Love's me and him having webcam chat for the first time. Love's the first word that he had uttered after seeing me.. Love's us doing international texting. Love's when he sang me the "owlcity song(The saltwater room)" Love's declining the fact that I love him. Love's still having the song that he had sung to me. Love's adoring him. Love to me is my best friend. Love's the reason I like owlcity so much. 
Love's me being jealous and heart broken to know he's dating someone else again. Love's when he was cheated and wanted to talk to me. Love's me wasting all my phone credit to get online and cheer him up. Love's knowing that he can never be "in love" with me. Love's lying to myself that we are just best friends. Love's when I text him after being felt up by that creep. Love's him wishing that creep to die. Love's him wanting me to change my room. Love's him disliking my mum for the way she has treated me.
Love's my best friend wanting me to break up with my boyfriend just because I wasn't happy and he was treating me wrong. Love's him not listening to me because best friends never do what you ask them to do. Love's falling in love with someone who lives thousand miles away. Love's being in relationship and still missing my best friend.
Love gave me strength to bring my bestfriend back from coldness(darkness) Love brought us closer. Love tore us apart. Love's the fact that he is my only best friend. Love's the only fact that I'm his only best friend. Love's in writing poems for him(The best poem I've written till now with more than 40 comments was for him). 
Love is the fear of losing my friends. Love is not wanting to go into relationship with my friends. If I go into relationship with you. I'll lose a really good and close friend of mine. The reason why I've been saying "no" and ignoring you is this. I do love you but I cannot be in relationship with you. I know you're reading this. I really love you but as a friend not as a lover. I cannot keep you happy and you cannot keep me happy. Love is all about making each other happy! :)
Love's is an inspiration. Love's everything that I want. Love's making videos for my friends and online friends. Love's the video that I've made for him. Love can make you want to cut your wrist. Love can make you want to end your life. But, love is not a quitter. Love's hope. Love is you fighting reality, love is you fighting for everything. Love is the fact that they are trying to you and Love is you trying to save someone like you ♥ Love is hoping to meet them someday. Love doesn't know distance. Love has always been greater than distance. 

I have really amazing people in my life and I love them all. Despite the distance, Sunakshi di I love you very very much for being my best di(elder sis) ever. Shravan, Tony, Arjun, Raed, Ali, Alan, Jake, Randeep sir :P, Sergi, Hailey, Austin, Darren, Mark, Juan, Priya di, Garima di You all are really amazing..  and I love you guys.. and I'm sorry if I am missing anyone o.o.. You know that I love you :P

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Secrets, truth and love(Answer of all your questions that you have been asking me) Part-1

So, so, it's been ages since I've written anything personal on this blog.. been writing poems but they never made any sense. And, you all wanted to know that why I write such dark stuffs. Why I've been acting like this since past 2 years. I'm not lying but trust me, I wasn't knowing the answer either but now I know, and I'm not scared to write everything and anything on here. And like most of you have been thinking it since the beginning, it was "Love" 
But, my version of "love" is a little different then yours. For me, love's my childhood memories that makes me smile, love's the sweet feeling that I had when I was in kindergarten and had a friend who used to share chocolates with me, love's when I used to miss him whenever he had missed the school. Love's passing by his old house and hoping to see him coming out of his house even after knowing that he has moved to another place. 
It was love when I used to ask my mom to make me a drawing. Love's my dad picking me and my brother up from the school in his bike and buying us ice cream. Love's good, love's bad. Love's me wishing to disappear when 2 most important people in my life were fighting. Love's growing up. Love's learning. Love's wishing to be Cinderella, Love's having hundreds of ambitions at the age of 11. Love's crushing on my classmate. Love's crying at nights at the thought of your friends leaving the school and especially your crush leaving the school. :P
Love's my pokemon craze that I used to have. Love's aiming to be perfect at something. Love's looking at the childhood pictures. Love's seeing the pictures of my dadu(grandpa) letting me eat the whole chocolates.  Love's me asking my parents to get me a rabbit or parrot again.
Love's the time when I met new people and made new friends, Love's the time when I and mom had tears in our eyes after knowing that dad has got diabetes. Love's when my heart started beating faster to see my senior. Love's me and him staring at each other at his fuel station. Love's me and him parking our scooties together.
Love's him leaving some space at the parking stand so that I could park my scooty right next to his. Love's waiting for him after school. Love's saying everything through eyes. Love's him and I staring at each other from our stalls and a romantic song being played in the background :P Love's seeing him in my dreams! :o
Love's when I got internet connection and I met a few people. Love's the feeling that I had when I met my uncle after 13 years.. Love's me meeting my aunty and my cousins for the first time. Love's me hugging my cousin brother for 1st and last time when he was leaving. Love's me hoping the time to stop. Love's when I missed my closest buddy's birthday for my aunty's surgery. Love's letting my little cousin sister ruin my drawing book.
Love's when my friends became sad to know that I have ovarian tumor(cancer)..(I don't have it btw, it's just a cyst, doctors had some confusion which was sorted out later) Love's when I saw my dad sad. It was love that made my dad sad. I cannot see my dad being sad. I would never like to see him sad ever again,
It was love when my best friend wished to die before me.. Love to me is feeling that something wrong's going to happen. Love's when you get tears in your eyes for no reason and it starts suffocating you. Love's when I wanted to go and visit her in the hospital but my parents didn't let me too 'cause they were too scared about me. Love's when me and other people were praying for her. Love's when we all wanted to give a few days from our life to her. Love's the feeling of relief that we had after knowing that she was recovering. Love's the time when I thought it was a joke when they told me that she had died. 
Love's me trying to cry in the shower. Love's when I cried my eyes out when our school principal started talking about her. Love's the guilt that I still have in my heart. Love's me crying the whole day and not getting out of bedroom and not eating anything at all. It was love of parents when they didn't let me to go to her funeral. It's love which made me think that it was a nightmare. It's love that made me to start disliking myself and my parents.. Love helped me to move on. Love still brings tear in my eyes because I miss her. Love made me to write. Love's made me to create this blog. 
Love made my mom to get mad at me. Yes, it was love when she was yelling at me. Love's the time when she's beating me so that I never choose the wrong path. Love's in spending time with my amazing pals. Love's in getting good marks at exams. Love's in every attachment. Love's in my school, my subject, my friends, my teachers, even in those road crashes that I have survived. Love's in turning 16, love's in writing, Love's in meeting people on here, love made me to try to kill myself, love has saved me..
Love can give you pleasure, love can give you pain.

P.S. It's not complete yet..will be posting the second part soon :)

Friday, October 28, 2011

"I am a wreck.." (Blog's 2nd anniversay)

I'm a wreck,
I need to sleep,
I've been broken,
I really need to be fixed.

Been alone, 
for far too long,
Been assassinated,
for someone's malevolent.

Joy fades away,
and sorrow grabs my hand,
I'm being ripped in a tug of war,
That never seems to end.

I'm chasing nothing
But running for everything,
I need to escape this place,
I really need to find myself solace.

P.S. Hello readers, I'm sorry for not writing more often..and still not being able to read your blogs. I'm not happy but then I'm not sad either. Oh, btw, it's been 2 years in blogspot.. Yup, I've successfully completed 2 years in blogspot and gained 183 amazing followers.. Thanks for reading me and encouraging me to write more through your mails. I was 15(almost 16) when I had started this blog and now, I'm 17(almost 18).. Haha, sometimes it makes me sad that I'll be no more a little kiddo.. Thanks for telling me not to lose hope and that everything will be alright, Thanks for all your love. I truly love you each one of you.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

"..She doesn't cry.."

She forgot to rhyme,
And learned to smile,
She doesn't cry nor does she die. 
The words denied to dance on her tune,
'cause she has found something brighter than the moon. 

Saturday, October 8, 2011

"..sing me the lullaby"

My past crawling my present,
My present healing my future.
I have promises to keep,
And a thousand miles to go before I sleep.

Sing me the lullaby,
The lullaby that my mother used to sing.
It gives me peace,
And It'll let me fall asleep with an ease.

Fascinating deep brown eyes,
Eyes that had never learnt to speak lies.
Escaping all the truths,
Going to chase every kind of silence that soothes.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

"..Perfect Rhyme.."

Joy tries to illuminate the sad reality in me,
There's something that no one else can see,
A glimpse of something sweeter than bitter truth;
Thousand souls are closer but not my ruth. 
Trying to write a new story this time,
It's not necessary to have the perfect rhyme

P.S. Hello readers, I am still alive. I am justt too busy with my college and stuffs. I am not feeling awesome but I am okay. Sorry, for not reading your blogs. :/ I hope whoever reads this, understands me. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Emptiness choking my breath,
Making me to lean towards death,
Couldn't see anything except the color black,
Always wishing for someone to come back,
Lost in fairy tale which I thought was true,
It's may be pleasing to see the shades of blue.
Was a fool to feel beautiful,
Sanity warned but insanity overruled,
Trust is gone, soul is dead,
I feel no pain even when my cuts bleed.
Being tired of heartaches, I may choose euthanasia,
It's getting hard to have dysphoria. 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

"..I don't know for how long I can stand this.."

Drifting with winds,
Crying, singing, dreaming and living.
No complains but loads of pain,
Inside a naive little heart. 
Slit wrist is nothing but the proof,
How he kept assassinating me,
and how I kept denying it. 

P.S. See, I had told you. I can't stay happy. Bye bye Happiness. I miss you. 

Sunday, September 4, 2011

"..A new fairytale is about to begin.."

Lost and broken, I was.
On that horrible and suffocating night,
I had decided to end up all my aches and worthless fight.
Sinking in tears, wishing to die.
Craving for a shoulder and a hug to feel home and cry. 
 I had met him before but I didn't know,
I had already sown seeds of love in his heart to grow.
He did care but I didn't notice.
While talking to him, I actually found peace.
Tears stopped and slowly the pain was going.
I fell asleep with neither bitterness nor cursing.
Next morning, I was in solace.
No more tears, no more aches.
We both were giggling and smiling like two little kids.
No one was being fake or hypocrite.
Innocence and love started growing more,
Neither of our hearts were sore.
He was knowing that I was falling for him.
I wasn't scared anymore to say, "I love you Tim"
Keeping my feelings only to me.
Denied everything that he wanted me to see.
At the end, I lost and love won.
We both were together before the dawn.
He chose me over everyone,
Despite the distance, he feels that I am the only one.
He is a prince and I am one amongst the ordinary girls,
He is so perfect that every pretty face twirls.
I have only loved and it's not a sin,
'cause no matter what you say but a new fairytale is about to begin.

P.S. Hello readers, yeah I am still alive :P Thanks for caring everyone, I am really fine. Your 17 years old poetess is no more a little kid. She has started going to college and she is loving it there. About the poem? Um, It's not sad :P You wanted a happy poem so here it is! Exactly how I feel so now you know that I am good and of course happy. :) 

Thursday, August 11, 2011

"I am truly a curse..." It won't really matter to me If you don't read the poem, it doesn't really make any sense I guess. I did a mistake and I should die instead of him. If anything happened to him then I wouldn't forgive myself.

One scary night, 
beneath the moon light,
I never wanted you to cry,
Nor to say good bye,
It was my grave mistake,
Your life was on stake,
It was a hex put on my words,
Didn't want a life of wizards.
I am truly a curse
I make things go worse.
This is the tuth,
You were my Ruth.
I am sorry, please come back once,
please come back and give me another chance.

P.S. Sometimes, you become so blind and selfish that you wish for stupid things like someone to leave. But don't do that because God can misunderstand you and He can take that person away forever from you and everyone. The person not only leaves you but he also has to leave the world.
Do me a favor and please pray for my friend? It was all my fault. I wanted him to go but not this way. It took me so long to understand that he was nice and sweet. If anything happened to him then I wouldn't forgive myself. It really sucks when you lose someone. He has to go through 2 surgeries. And there's 1/4th chances of him to die!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

"You never lost and I never won.."

Things which belong to me are-
Tears, wounds, bruises and scars.
Hatred and Betrayal kisses my heart,
Like a razor blade it tears me apart.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

".Let me breathe, let me live, let me love..."

I am bound in your fake world,
I have been dying,
Keeping secrets and been lying,
Trying to keep my head clear,
Haunted by you and your fear.
Death is fascinating,
I couldn't bear your hating.
I may paint a picture,
This time, I'll see no failure,
I know, I ain't flawless,
My wrist is my canvas,
And razor is my new brush,
I'll wait for no one, I am in real rush.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Lost in the crowd,
Hear everything so clear and loud.

Now, you are invisible,
'cause words are strong and you're feeble.

Walking aimlessly to somewhere,
Misty eyes couldn't help but stare.

Everything is wrong, nothing is fair,
Miss all the times when you were together.

Darkness seems more interesting than their light,
They won and you lost the fight.

Reached the point again from where it started,
Embracing loneliness, embracing hatred. 

Screaming, crying and ending up worse,
You know it's nothing but a curse.

Knowing that you're falling into nothing.
 Cannot fly 'cause you don't have those wings.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Where do I stand?

You have them,
They have you,
I have no one.
You love them,
They love you,
I love you,
No one loves me?
When they cry, you cry,
When you cry, I cry,
No one cries for me?

Saturday, July 16, 2011

"..You always wanted me to die.."

You failed to see my tears,
You ignored all my fears,
You never hugged me tight,
You never said, "I am with you in this fight"
You never listened to my cry
you always wanted me to die.

Monday, July 11, 2011

This is just a random post. You don't have to read it. :)

"..You meet a lot of people in your life but it will always be the same. You like them, you love them. They change and you hate them.."


I'll be 18 in 4 months. I don't want to be 18 :) I never wanted to 17 either. But it's not under my control. Nothing is under my control. I don't know where I am going to be. A lot of people ask me from where do the emotions come in my poems. And you know? I don't know it either. I just write. I write what I see, what I think and what I feel. I am different and weird. I get easily amused and I trust easily. It makes me sad when people die or something bad happens to them, no matter if I don't know them or they live 1000 miles away.  People have cancer and other disease. And they'll die after few days or few months or few years but you can't help them. All you can do is hope, wish or pray. Every third person in the world is cutting/self harming. But I can't help them, not even "you" can help them. Some people are being disgusting. They are bullying in person and over Internet. People are committing suicide for being harassed. If anyone is putting a sad post on their blog or status in any social networking site then help them and if you can't then just keep your mouth shut. "Get a life before telling anyone that they should die." You are no one to decide who should live and who should die. There life is already terrible, they want to live so please don't kill them. I think this way which makes me more gloomy. I do not smile all the time but yes it's not difficult at all to make me smile since I easily get amused. One thing I have added on my hate list is "homophobes" I really hate them more than I hate liars and hypocrites.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

She came running through;
wearing no smile, wearing no shoe,
in dark lonely street,
with bruised feet..
She was scared,
and despaired.
A nightmare was chasing her,
Almost like , caught in fire,
Vile intentions burned her body and soul,
Manipulated her world, manipulated the whole.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Sometimes it's better,
to keep your pain to yourself,
Sometimes it's better, 
not to turn the pages from the past,
Sometimes it's better,
to stay quiet and wait,
for fate to show its charm,
Sometimes it's better, 
to change yourself for someone else. 

Monday, July 4, 2011

"Choco's blah, blah.." =)

Tears might drown me,
but I am bound to do,
What is in my fate,
Yes, it's too late,
I've to pretend that I don't know you,
And I can't see.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

"This fairytale has no happy end.."

Long lost in fairytale,
She now has no where to run, no where to hide,
But she shall abide,
because she still has a heart of a child.

Insomnia kisses her every night,
Love makes her win all the fights,
No matter where he is,
No matter where lives

Her love would say,
Enchanting thoughts drifting away.
Fleeting words now make no sense.
She is numb, she is lost.

One thousand souls around her don't moan,
But she is still alone.
Neither her prince charm came,
Nor her friends are same.

This fairytale has no happy thought,
'cause she is tangled within the knot,
This fairytale has no happy end,
'till she learns to bend.

P.S. You know I hate hurting people. I am sick and tired of it. I try my best not to hurt them.. One year and 3 months of friendship but he still doesn't understand me and neither do I. I am the lamest person one can ever have in their life. I can never be happy nor I can make anyone. I am just so stupid, it's his birthday in 17 days and just like last year I have hurt him. I feel like I have come back again to the same time where I was all alone, where I wasn't knowing anyone. The only difference is that now I have no real life friends. 

Sunday, June 26, 2011

"She was dying in her own dream-world.."

May be yes or may be no,
Sometimes high, sometimes low.
She giggled, she frowned,
She floated, she drowned,
in the river of mesmerising thoughts,
and millions of doubts.
Yes, she was scared to face the world all alone.
She couldn't help but just moan.
Pretty painful to see her dreams shatter,
For many it wasn't any matter,
She screamed, she cried,
Nothing was her pride,
They were all lost in pretty insane world,
While she was dying in her own dream-world.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

"..your mem'ries.."

Wide awake at sleepy nights,
Your mem'ries left me with misty eyes,
 Love is me, love is you,
The distance between us is never few.

We are meant to be,
May be yes? I can see;
Shadows speak about lonliness,
But your mem'ries bring me solace.

When you smile,
My world stops there for a while.
Your mem'ries give me strength to survive,
Because of you I'm still alive. 

There's a lot of pain deep inside,
There are hundreds of secrets that I'd to hide,
You are not here, you are not near, I cannot reprise;
'cause all I have is your mem'ries.

P.S. umm to be honest, I really didn't like this one :/

This was supposed to be a mushy poem! :( But I wrote about me x_x

Monday, June 6, 2011

Ting Tang Tag!! :D

Hello there~~
       So I am tagged by two people. Madhumati and Selenium :3
So yesh this post is all about me :) Thank you for the tag ^_^ I was really willing to do a tag actually so yippeee here I go!
Tag #1 
By Madhumati
*My favourites* 
Food: I love food LOL. I really can't stay without chicken and fish V_V I love spicy Indian food and chineese food. :) 
Colour: I love a lot of colours o.o.. Black, blue, white and purple are my all time favourites :)
Sports: I used to play cricket with all the guys and I used to cry and call my mom when they never used to take me in their team lol and at nights I used to play football with my dad :)
Dessert: Pastries and chocolate ice creams XD
Artist/Singer/Brand: Secondhand Serenade, Owlcity, Jarrod Matthew, NeverShoutNever and I forgot :(
Pair of shoes: I wear heels(since I am short) and also I like belly shoes and other shoes LOL! :D
Outfit: Eh you'll find me more in jeans and capries and leggings sometimes. (No one wonder why they call me tomboy!! o.o)
Accessory:  I really don't like these stuffs at all -_-" but I wear earrings, a bracelet kinda thing O.o and a locket(I am forced to were that locket and bracelet)
Fav place: Home, Cad-B and Schooool. I miss school :(
Hobbies: Writing, blogging, drawing, texting, reading. :)
Beauty product: Lip balm and eye liner and that too sometimes :P
Snacks: Maggie and Ramen :3
Movies: Don't have a favourite but I prefer watching, funny action movies and romantic ones are okay. :P
-That's it-
I am tagging:
Sankoo baba
Prams di

Tag #2
By Selenium

*Each tagged person must post ten things about themselves*
*You have to choose and tag ten people*
*Go to their blogs and tell them you tagged them*
*No tags back*
*Have fun*

Ten Things About Me:
I am very random o.o
I say "I love you" to everyone LOL
I love saying "is" as "ish" and yes as "yesh"
I am in a long distance relationship :O
When I see any couple kissing then it creeps me out o_e 
I am 17 and I still hate talking or listening to "mature" and "vulgar" talks.(It creeps me out seriously. I even cried once when my friends where talking about it :P)
I am a slowpoke x_x
I don't get creepy messages from anyone because I never understand them!! :|
Friendship means everything to me and also love O.o
I get suicidal thoughts all the time which is not good. I have already tried to kill myself 5 times!!

And the tag goes to: