Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Staring at moon,
in dark and lonely night.

Stars dancing on the
rhythm of love.

I hope to meet him soon,
before the views become blur and quiet.

sinking in the dark aura,
of dreams and flying like a dove.

I never tried to hide the real me ,
and expected him to be the same.

Tired of living in his world of false words,
and his childish game of hide n' seek.

I wish to live in wonderland,
where there are no rumors.

Where rivers sing and dance,
and misty winds cuddle.

A place where I find no regrets.
just peace and happiness.

I hurt myself everytime when,
I say "I hate him".

And everytime when I find him,
with someone, my soul cries..

my dreams got shattered when I,
found him kissing that girl.

and next day I was trying to stop,
myself to think 'bout him.

It was really hard, my heart ached badly,
every time I looked away from him.

A friend so dear wasn't mine anymore,
and my heart was again left sore.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Choco's blah blah!!

"..I live the past again and again
whenever I feel depressed.."

Friday, September 24, 2010

"..I am a cursed soul.."

I am a cursed soul,
my heart aches and soul screams
It's hard to tell how do I feel..
Tears roll down my cheeks..
I feel isolated and weak.
I wish I were a princess,
with charming smile and
delightful grace.

I am a cursed soul,
But puffy eyes and impregnible heart,
seek for someone,
who I thought, belonged to me.
Every time they come close,
they hurt more and more
may be with some intensions
or may be not, I'm not sure.

I am a cursed soul,
Sometimes I wonder,
"why does it happen?
Is it Lord's will or
is it my destiny?"
A weird game that life played
with me and my loved ones.
The only thing, 
I bring with me is always a torment..

I am a cursed soul,
I beg you don't try to console,
leave me alone,
I'll just harm you and make you worry,
I don't belong to this place,
I don't belong to you,
Don't cry if I die young
'cause it would be better for you and everyone..

P.S. i really don't wanna talk to saket.. but I can't ignore him.. last night we were talking and I just said I don't wanna talk to you.. so don't text me anymore.. He's still texting me but 'am not replying him. And the poem, umm i just wrote it out of blue.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

ranDomness :o

Feelin sick... Went to doc and screwed up Physics exam! hmmm talked to Tunesh and slept for almost whole day.. don't feel like eating anything but 'am hungry!
This time, me and my bro both are sick, we have got cold n cough, bodyache and fever and we both have exams tomorrow D:
Haven't studied anything. v.v umm and my cousin is coming tonight. He is older, really older.. even his kids are older than me!! o.o
Oh btw I have a new blog now. :3

Try checkin it out, comment and follow :P

aaah I hate medicines and I have to take so many!! *frowny face*

Monday, September 20, 2010

"..randomness from the heart.."

Hey there :) umm sorry my exams gonna start soon so I won't be able to make any post or read yours. The first one is physics but I don't feel like studying.. Tunesh is still sick but he has been discharged from the hospital and the docs have asked him to have comeplete bed rest. That fool is still thinking 'bout me. Talking to him everyday.. just to know how is feeling. :) I told him to take rest and don't think 'bout exams and me. o.o I just want him to recover soon and come back :)

I have started ignoring Saket.. woohoo..!! -.-" Now it doesn't matter me, when he says that he means nothing to me. I just let him say that!! Not texting him and not even replying him.. Moreover I am keeping cell off!! -.-" I still feel he is using me.. and the rest idk.. i dont even wanna talk bout him!!

Oh well today nothing happened at school.. The strength was less so we didn't even study.. We didn't make noise or anything. We talked whole day (6 hours) and talked 'bout zombies, ghosts, relationships, crush and love !! o.o Well the girl thinks I am in love and they say that they can see that in my eyes!! o.O

Talked about Harpreet and God and dreams.. then one more thing.. ummm its weird and nice.. like you know.. i often feel like dying right? Oh well, sometimes I put it as my status on msn and other sites.. I know a guy.. we don't talk usually.. we never actually.. but whenever I feel so, this guy comes to me.. cheers me up, tells me about christainity and Jesus.. and even if I don't tell him what's wrong with me or what had happened, he just solves my problems. A couple of times, he made me say a prayer and told something from bible and those things really makes me smile and i feel better. I told that guy that he is like an angel 'cause whenever I've felt to end my life he just come like an angel and my problems seems easier but he says that he is a servant of Jesus and nothing else.

 And today I told this to Srishti, Anubha and Divya and they told me that I am the lucky one.. And Jesus himself is telling me that I belong to her.. They even said that they would take me to their camp someday and take me to some Father(sorry I don't remember their name) =/

Just tell me does that thing really happens? I mean why do I feel better after talking to Colby? Does Angels really exists? I haven't cried since then.. Why do those little things from bible cheers me up?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

"..from the heart.."

Whats the day? Its 18th september.. and right a year back.. on this day.. my best friend left me.. she went really far from where she cannot come back again. Yes, she died. I miss her, I miss her alot. Whenever I am sad or happy, I miss her. We had so many plans and dreams but unfortunately they could not come true.

On the night of 18th or so to say 19th.. around 3:15 am.. She left the world, she left everyone of us. It was so difficult for us to bear the truth. Lots of things changed. The value of friends in life changed. For the first time we realised, what actually we mean to each other.

Umm don't have anything to say. She used to come in my dreams after her death as if she wanted to say something.. but she couldn't. Hmm, I still regret. Everyday, everytime we can realise her absence.

We miss you Harpreet. I love you and I am sorry.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


"..It's said that tears never lie;
But when I cry they say that,
I and my tears lie..
and yes,
according to them,
the one who lies, cries.."

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"..curse of fate.."

A cursed fate,
deflecting the path of
a naive life..

Hopes, tears,
dreams and fears
lead her life now..

Impregnable soul
never cries for humanity,
even after gaining brutality..

Coziness and sanity;
delicacy and decency;
aren't here anymore..

The depth in her eyes,
reflects the future sights,
dark, gloomy and bitter..

The eye of heaven,
shines too bright,
revealing the fury of God..

And then arrives,
pleasing twilight and later,
dark velvet night..

Darkness consumed her,
and light filled,
her eyes..

That naive little girl,
was glad to have lost her life,
'cause now it ended her pain and cries..

Monday, September 13, 2010

i want to die!!

Why is it happening to me?
Did I do something wrong?
Why are they cursing me now?
I was not even involved in that thingiie. I was knowing this is gonna happen thats why I asked them not to do that. My whole school thinks that I did that with some intension. But seriously I didn't want to hurt her or anyone. Why did they make me apart of it.? Why are they blaming me?
Sophia ma'am says that the whole school staff thinks that it was done by me, I have edited that video and removed those scenes in which kritika was.
But trust me I haven't done anything. The cameraman didn't captured her. So how was that my fault. That's why I didnt want to attend teachers' day. And why did she take my name?
My class mates and friends are with me (I hope) cause they told me that they are but 'am scared.. that they are going to backstab me. I dont want any kind of dispute or fight. But just cause of kritika whole school thinks I have done that. Geeez she is even including my mum's name it that my mum is trying to call and threaten her. I just feel like dying and what's the use of life huh?
Sophia ma'am has studied psychology and she told me that whatever happened with kritika was not good and it was kind of emotional torture but what bout those stuffs that she and her classmates did with me? I have been tortured since last one month.
I haven't eaten anything till now, I am crying cause I am unable to hold my tears.. am really trying hard.. and my head is hurting, I am feel pukey... umm Idk I am feeling so alone.. may be I'll talk to tanu or just go and sleep!!! I want to die seriously..

Saturday, September 11, 2010

defining me..

Okay so I'm going to define me!! Me? mmm yeah me lol. Oh well don't get confuse.. o.o (dont tell me that I am geting confused) I am me and I like that. I am a 16 year old teenage girl who isn't beautiful or tall but people tell me that I am sweet and a cutie in my own way(oh well my friends say that.. o.o). I love to watch rain.. Its gloomy but it makes me smile. I am a cry baby with huge dreams and ambitions. I want to kiss the moon and dance with the stars. Often I think that only my life is messed up but then when I peep into others life, my life seems bitter sweet. I get hurt easily.. you can say I am emotional or sensitive. I love to have fun and I love going to school(I am in 12th now.. which means I dont have much time).
I hate hypocrites and those who backstab. Sometimes I expect a lot but don't get anything. I am possessive. I have a cyst in my lower abdomen but I don't care ( I have stopped taking medicines 'cause of which sometimes my tummy hurts.. o.o)
 I love to see the clouds dancing in the sky and moulding itself into different shapes. Autumn is my favourite season. I eat a lot of chocolates (I know that u know) I am addicted to my friends and I'm scared of loosing them. I am wierd 'cause most of my friends are guys ( My best friends are guys.. o.o) I never ever had any boy friend and don't want any!! (trust me, my friends looks like devdas and paro.. everyone looks so sad.. o.o)
I confuse myself with feelings (feelings of love and possessiveness and friendship) and I love to play with emotions especially dark emotions. I make alot of mistakes. Sometimes I try to escape from bitter reality.. last but not the least I am bangali but I don't know the language!! D':

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Worries quitely battle with peace,
Soul weeps secretly somewhere,
Never wished to be alone with so ease,
Embracing darkness there.

I walked alone in the lonely streets,
I looked at the sky with hope,
then what I found was clouds dancing on beats,
I just wish if I could seize slavery and elope.

The gleeful breeze kissed me,
and tried to stop my tears,
but then hell was the only thing I could see,
When I was adopted by fears.

Every little hope shattered with silence,
My palpitating heart wasn't like before,
Lies, torments, tears and ignorance,
were the only things left to adore.


Blaah~ Why is it so difficult to be what you are? and Why we need to wear fake masks.. If you don't like anyone then why can't you just go and say "dude I don't like you" or "I hate you".. If someone's being mean to you then why can't you say "stop being mean to me!"
Why? Why do people lie? Why do they use each other? Why money is more important than love and friendship? Why do people take revenge? Why people hurt me? Why do I get so close to everyone I meet? Why do I give importance to everyone and everything everytime?
Tunesh is right.. the more I'll get close to others the more I'll get hurt.. But I can't fix this.. I am just the way I am.. I am really sensitive.. every single thing hurts me so badly. I can't pretend or hide my emotions in front of others.. If I don't like anyone I just say that on their face.. I never tried to take revenge.. always tried to forgive everyone.. but then what am I supposed to do when they do cheap stuffs again and again!
I am just so fed up of being used again and again.. Whats going in my mind I don't know but what I know is that its hurting me and making me cry.. Everything goes so well and suddenly within hours or minutes it seems so messed up.. I just wish if I could share my feelings to someone.. I wish if I could hug someone tight and cry..
Sometimes I feel so worthless.. You know I am just too scared of loosing anything. I don't wanna loose my friends, my classmates, My mom and dad, my bro and others.. Harpreet's death has realised me the worth of friends and family. I have become so damn possessive 'bout my friends.. and I really really hate Kritika and I hate Saket when he talks to her. Aaaah geez I feel like he is using me.. but then what was that? I mean the text that he sent me? Do I really mean so much to him? Does he really wants me to his best friend? Am I really special for him? Omg if so then I am being mean to him. But Saket is doing the same thing. I already told him that it hurts and plz don't do this again then why does he talk kritika? =/
Today during Hindi period, Kritika was sitting behind Saket.. Saket turned back and was talking to kritika.. I saw him and he saw me and smiled and said "shriti.." but I then I didnt reply, dint smile and looked dowmn and continued writting. He poked me after the class but I ignored that too and just moved out. Then he stopped me and asked if he has done anything? but I just said "no!!" I didnt even looked towards him. (Kya us buddhu insaan ko itna bhi samajh nahi aaya mera mood kyu kharab ho gya?)
Aaaaah Idk I just feel so ugly... Being the class monitor, getting good marks, being the house captain, wrtting poems and doing other stuffs is just not enough huh? Idk why I am thinking like this..? Idk what else I have to face?

Sunday, September 5, 2010

"Teachers' day?"

Hellooo~ hahaha.. You know I had the best day in my life.. and sorry mera mood nahi ho raha ise english me translate karne ka.. We celebrated teachers' day on 4th in our school 'cause 5th September I mean today is sunday. :) btw.. Long post ahead.. o.o
Preparations was going well.. 3rd of september... we did stuffs.. Decorations ki incharge main thi so I was guiding other mates.. pura din fevicol, thermacol, sissor, cellotapes or sparkles k sath bita.. We didn't study whole day.. I was angry at Saket so I decided not to talk to him.. but usne hi pehle baat ki so response toh dena hi that :/
At 1:30 pm We all came back from school.. Some people took shower (like me jo decoration department me the) and again at 3:oo pm we went to school (almost all my class mates) for decorating the staff room and for other stuffs..also we had that chits thingie to decide who will give gifts to which teacher.. Mine was Sunil sir and peter ma'am. And then I was busy in decorating and guiding my classmates in staff room.. I was kinda annoyed coz of Saket coz he wasn't listening to me.. jo bhi kaam batao kisi aur ko keh kar bhag jata tha..
Jab staff room ke andar ka decoration khatam ho gya.. I came out to decorate the doors.. (me and darshu actually) and tunesh came and joined us.. we were talking at doing our work.. after sometimes darshu and tunesh had to go.. Saket came out of the room.. and others too left the school by 7:30pm and decided to come back at 5:00 am.. I was still there.. saket.. came and asked if I need any help.. I said no.. and asked my bro to help me who was napping.. but then saket was like.. "main yaha khada hu, tu mere ko nhi bol sakti kya?"
Me: raja andar room se aur crack paper le kar aa!!
Saket: phir wahi.. rook main lata hu..
and this went on.. v.v
then Kishan came, saket went and helped me.. I was there till 8:oo pm.. then when I was going back.. saw saket and prince.. said bye good night and all and came back home.. I was tired so I slept early.. around 10:30 pm when I was sleeping Manish called me to know bout anchoring and stuff..
Next day at 5:oo am I reached shool, then kishan came and then Saket and ayush.. phir kya kisi kisi ko call kar ke uthana pada..dheere sabhi aa gaye.. sabki shakal dekhne layak thi.. hahaha.. ek ghanta aise hi waste kiya.. main sab se keh rhi thi chalo decoration ka kaam kar lete hai par meri baat toh koi sunta hi nhi.. Sare kehne lage woh balloon aur flower wale ko aane de unlog kar lenge..
Phir pta nhi kyu kaha se kritika aa gyi!! :( use kuch kaam toh hai nhi bas ja kar ladko se chipki rehti hai.. I hate her~ Aur phir saket bhi humaira, komal k aane se pehle chup chap baitha hua tha.. koi kaam bolne par bhi nhi karta tha.. Whatever.. main usse gussa thi.. dekhte 7 baj gaye aur students bhi ana shuru ho gaye.. toh maine dheere dheere sab ko(friends) ko ghar jane ko kaha aur 7:30 am tak pahuchne ke liye kaha.. Sab toh chale bas main aur baki boys reh gaye.. aur thodi der baad main bhi chale gayi.. and at 8 am I reached school!!!!
Prepared for stuffs.. had school anthem and the program began. :) It was goin smoothly... but there were couple of flaws.. Manish ne anchoring k liye mana kar diya toh maine aur saket ne karne ka socha.. :) and then woh gifts wali baat.. mujhe sunil sir aur peter ma'am ko dena tha.. lekin shubham aur purvi ne diya :( I was so angry.. I told them that isliye main ana nhi chahti thi.. main library gayi aur rone lagi.. pata nahi kaha se pranay aa gaya.. wo mujhe cheer kar rha tha phir tanu ne prince aur manish ko bulaya.. wo bhi cheer kar rhe the.. main usi waqt school chod kar jane wali this par un teeno ne mujhe jane nahi diya..
phir kya? bas chup chap baat maan gayi.. main aur prince anchoring k liye gaye hi nahi.. prince aur saket ne sab kuch thik se sambhala(I mean stage me)  Mujhe baad me anchoring k liye bheja gaya lekin maine sab bigaad diya (x_X)!! at last sab thik ho gaya.. I danced too hehe~
We played games with teachers.. had food and asked if they liked what we did? Then they told it was the best teachers' day in the history of weidner... we were so happy but then we realised we are in 12th and we have only 5 months more to spend time together in school, with teachers and friends.. Sab toh chup ho gaye the parmera rona band hi nhi hua.. I hugged simran, sushma and srishti and was crying.. Saket came and mera hath pakda aur kaha ahi toh hum sab yahi hai na chup ho ja.. and then rupesh and others came with their cellphone and cameras to take my pics.. o.O
I stopped crying but then moti Anisha ne fir mood kharab kar diya Sunil sir ko gifts wali baat bata kar.. woh chup nahi reh sakti kya? x_X Mera rona fir shuru.. Main sab se dur.. school building k bahar aa kar ro rahi thi.. Srishti aur Anubha ne dekha.. mujhe chup karana chaha par nhi hui.. Sophia ma'am ne mujhe dekha.. aur shayad Tunesh aur chicky ko bheja.. aur chicky mujhe khich kar andar le gaya..!!
Andar gayi par kisi se baat nahi kiya... chup chap baithi this kamesh, suchchi ne khilane k liye kiya par.. :/ phir manni aur pankaj ne kuch khane ko kaha.. Phir Saket ne mujhe dekha.. woh aya mere paas.. and he asked me what happened and why 'am not talking or eating? I didn't answer him.. Purvi and Darshu were next to me.. He asked Purvi what's wrong with me? then she replied "aakhri saal hai na isliye.."
then he: haan shriti tu mere ko chod ke ja rahi hain? and I just poked him.. :| Anisha ko koi kaam toh tha nahi Saket ko bula liya aur meri roti hui pic le li..
Phir purvi ne mujhe apne haatho se ek bite khilaya.. maine mana kiya par phir usne kaha plz mere liye.. toh phir khana hi padha.. phir Darshu ne apni kasam de kar ek aur bite khilaya.. then may be saket ne unhe dekh liya tha toh woh bhi aa gaya aur use dekh kar Prince bhi aya.. phir dono ne apne hatho se ek ek baar khilaya..
baad me jab main ja rahi thi toh saket aur manish ne mujhe apne paas bulaya... mujhe kaha agar nahi toh soch lena.. o.O main gayi.. mujhe waha baithaya.. Pranay bhi wahi tha.. Saket ne use mujhe apne haatho se khilane ko kaha.. tu usne bhi khilaya (actually mujhe aur pranay ko mere friends bina matlab chidhate hai..aur unhe pata hai ki hum dono k bich kuch nahi hai phir bhi time paas karte hai hume chidha kar) phir mera mood bhi thik ho gaya..
main sab ki pics le rahi thi Tunesh k cellphone se kyuki mera cell koma me tha. saket bola: "humare sath baithi toh achcha nhi lag raha tha kya?" I smiled and continued taking pics. :)
then jab sara khana khatam ho chuka tha mujhe bhuk lag rahi thi xD lol I told this to pranay, manish and prince.. I said "meri toh googly ho gayi us waqt bhuk nhi thi aur jab khane ko kuch nhi hain mujhe bhuk lag rhi hai.. aur lagti bhi kyu nahi.. subah 4:30 bje se dopahar 3 bje tak kuch khaya hi nhi tha.. lekin manish aur pranay ne kuch aur bahar se mangwaya mere liye par wo mujhe pasand nhi tha.. :/
Lekin tanu ne apni kasam de kar ek baar khilaya.. phir Saket ne aur is tarah mujhe khila hi diya! awesome right? phir ice cream ki baari.. lekin butterscotch tha islye nahi khana chahti thi.. Par phiR sAket ne khila hi diya.. :3
I went home at 4:30 but then I wanted to stay so I came back and I saw.. saket bench par leta tha aur manish aur sirf kritika thi... I was so angry.. :/ cause he told me  few hrs ago that he will not talk to kritika and again and whatever he did before was for purpose.. and I am his nice friend.. Main dusre room me gayi jaha baaki sab bhi the... waha par pta chala ki kritika un logo se mili hi nhi aur unhe ye bhi nahi pata ki woh ab tak school me hai.. anyways it made me more angry but then I decided not to think bout it and enjoy with other friends.. we were listening to song, singing, laughing and doing stuffs...then Manni asked me to bring his bag from next room..
I agreed but when I went.. there was nothing.. I thought may be next classroom me hoga.. and yeah it was there..  main bas andar gayi aur bag liya aur ja rahi thi usi waqt manish bola" shriti good morning" phir use sun kar.. saket bola: shriti tu toh chale gayi thi wapas kab ayi?"
Me: bahut pehle kyu?
He was saying something but I kinda ignore it.. and I was just saying "bhag ja rehne de.." later I said "tu thodi der pehle mere ko kya bola tha?" and then I came out.. :/
Anyways later we all came back home and collapsed on the bed..
Next morning I woke up at 9:oo am o.O (i mean today) and then around 9:30 recieved Saket's text saying " good morning" I didnt check my cell at that time but then after 5 mins.. I recieved another text after  5 mins "oye so rahi hai kya? and sorry"
Me: nhi aur sorry kisliye?
He: kal tu chale gayi thi na tab main na Kishan aur tanu ko akele time spent karne k liye unko chod kar next room me letne chale gaya tha aur manish aur kritika apne kisi purane matter k baare me baat kar rhe the.. sach me chup chap tha..
Me: mmm its okay..
He(after 20 mins may be): sorry for late reply I was talking to a frnd.
Me: ...? main kuch boli hi nhi!
He: tu gussa hai na mere se sach sach bata?
Me: thoda sa..
He: Plz yaar m really sorry.. ek baat kahu.. teri aur prince ki jesi frndship hai na us tarah tu bhi mere liye bahut khaas hai. Blahe hi main tera new frnd hu but tu mere liye bahut khaas hai..sachchi
Me: (T_T) main tujhe kya bolu..!? kuch nhi hota rehne de.. But plz next time aisa mat karna.. hurt hota hai.. aur prince aur tunesh ki tarah tu bhi mere liye special hai.. bhale hi tujhe aaye ek saal hua ho par main nhi chahti ki humari friendship tute.. tu  toh mere close frnds me se  hai jo raat bhar meri bakwaas sunta hai.. aur plz aisa mat sochna ki tu mere liye special nahi hai..
He: ok but sorry
Me: its okay :)

and thats it.. happy ending ^^ haha.. why wrote this coz it was the best thing in my life so far.. I never wanted it to end.. i just wish.. hum kuch aur din saath reh sakte.. Atleast a week without tension, full on masti and friends! ^_^

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

choco's blah blah..!?

"..Eveytime I try to keep my hopes up,
it falls and every colour of life seems grey,
and you know its too hard to see it
slowly fade away.."

P.S. what I did  today? Oh well I am fasting 'cause of Janmashtmi.. We went to Anisha's place for meeting.. yeah meeting for deciding stuffs for teacher's day.. I am not going to attend it so I just went to have some fun!! We celebrated Saket's birthday again :) yup yup we had fun :) and yeah I told my friends that I am not going to attend teachers day and their reaction was.. fine.. if you will not attend then don't talk to us.. >_< They asked me what' wrong? and they are worried and you know its so hard to lie to your friends!! >.<